Yesterday Sucked and there is no other way to describe it. The emotional rollercoaster was sickening on a physical level.
Unable to sleep, a scattered, racing brain and the heartache of real and figurative loss was too much to handle at the time.
They say time heals all wounds, and if its true then it will take some time to heal this one. I feel much better today, two days removed a day that will go down in history. And once again, I, WE, were on the wrong side of history.
A good nights sleep, some quality time with my son, and expressing my emotions verbally helped tremendously get me where I am today.
Which leads me to my point.
Anything that sparks an emotional response, no matter how insignificant to others it may seem to others, is VALID. Running from it or them only prolongs the emotional response and effect it has on us. Being able to to verbally, vocally and physically (in the gym) express ones emotions can have a profound affect and allow us to handle the myriad of obstacles and emotional triggers an event like this can have on us, in an effective manner.
It was a loss for sure; Not of a family member or pet, but of our football team. A loss felt by an entire city, and nation for that matter. Bills Mafia will forever feel the pain brought on by this loss. But it was more than my favorite sports team losing a game. It was our city being felt another painful blow to an already severely damaged history of monumental losses. The pit in the stomach that many of us experience and feel from losing someone or something important to us was and is real.
And so after an appointment I took the time out of my day, when I should be promoting my business or doing network expansion, to stop and chat with my father, someone who has endured 50 years of the ups and downs of being a Buffalo Sports fan. I knew my father would have at least a few things to say and we could chop it up for a bit and get those pent up emotions out in a healthy, albeit, argumentative way.
It helped. One to get it out was great, but to still be fortunate to have my dad there to do it with was what made it even better. Even though we don't see eye to eye on everything with the team, I could feel his heartache and frustration and passion in every word he muttered, still feeling the effects of Covid. So I could smile when I left, still trying to get something productive out of my workday. The sadness, pain and anguish were still there, but much less being able to share it with my dad.
This form of self expression was productive, fruitful and in a way, relaxing. It certainly aided in relieving some of the disappointment and frustration of finding a way to lose a game in 13 seconds.
Shortly after the game and even on Monday, I was unsure if I'd "EVER" get over this.
Today though I am one step closer to that. This "game" while important on a number of levels served to remind me of the importance of a couple things.
1. Experiences- Albeit a heartbreaking loss, I was able to share those moments with those who mean the world to me.
2. What really matters - unable to sleep, tossing and turning with the idea of 13 seconds replaying in my mind, I was struggling to navigate the emotions it provoked. That was until Matthew, our 14 month bundle of joy woke up, and after a couple attempts to just give him his pacifier, found his way into our bed. Disheveled, disgruntled, sad, disappointed and in shock, to name a few emotions, had all melted away like the snow on a sunny spring day the moment he rolled over into my arms. Fussing a bit, and little cries of discomfort faded to silence as he laid in my arms as my wife went to get Motrin to ease the pain from his molars coming in.
In that exact moment, the turmoil that existed in my head faded away and I was quickly reminded of the only things that will ever truly matter, my family. It also reminded me that I'd be getting no sleep as my 4am alarm was not more than an hour away.
Tired and dejected had turned to warmth and happiness, in an instant. It was also then that I realized how blessed and fortunate our Buffalo Bills and I were, of the possibility tomorrow brings. Not everyone is given a tomorrow. But for us we have the chance to learn, to grow and to improve.
Holding my son in my arms close to my heart with my wife's and my hand interlocked, there is no other option than to do exactly that. All of this emotion brought on by a game played by people I have never personally met that resulted in a devastation felt by millions and it was cured by the beautiful face of a single child.
Life is GOOD. We WILL be back.
We Will learn, grow, and CONQUER.
That's the lesson from this game that I'll teach our boy.
Thank you Buffalo Bills, Bills Mafia and the entire city.